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Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed
Ebook Free Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed
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Review
“Wendy Behary has dedicated decades to understanding narcissism, both as a clinician and a scholar. In Disarming the Narcissist, she distills these hard-won insights into a very readable form. This book is a terrific resource for those looking to better understand narcissism.†―W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor in the department of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic
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About the Author
Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and a faculty member at the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York. She is also a distinguished founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She maintains a private practice, specializing in narcissism and high-conflict couples therapy.  Foreword writer Jeffrey Young, PhD, is the author of Schema Therapy: a Practitioner’s Guide and founder/director of the Schema Therapy Institute Schema Therapy Institute of New York.  Preface writer Daniel J. Siegel, MD, is the author of The Mindful Brain and an associate clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine Center for Human Development.
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Product details
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; Second edition (July 1, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1608827607
ISBN-13: 978-1608827602
Product Dimensions:
6.2 x 0.5 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 10.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.1 out of 5 stars
497 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#11,242 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Wendy T. Behary, is a kind and thoughtful professional who has the writing skill to bring home the most powerful message that a person who is being attacked by a Narcissist needs to hear. There are two sides to every story and there is something that the reader also needs to know about themselves before they can take effective action in dealing with a Narcissist. This book covers the complete interaction that makes the narcissist successful in their devious works, as well as how to 'disarm' or make the advances of the narcissist ineffective. The book focuses mostly on couples but the principles are there that apply to a Boss, a Neighbor, a Family member or anyone who is "in love with themselves only" at the expense of making everyone else around them miserable in the process. I'm reading a lot on this subject but this one book would be enough to bring the person who is tormented by a Narcissist into 'new territory' armed with 'new information' that will bring peace and resolve (yes it is possible) and put you on a solid footing, standing in a place where you can disarm the narcissist in your life. A great book. I couldn't put is down. Extremely valuable reading.
This is not just a bad review; this is strong advice to not read this book, for your own good. This book is dangerous because it convinces people in relationships that they can learn to manage the narcissist's behaviors. If you really do believe the person in your life has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you should get resources to leave the relationship as soon as feasible and get help to recover from the damage that's already been done before you've been hurt more. Moreover, the advice wouldn't even work because it requires confronting them about how their behavior hurts you, and narcissists can't handle that. This book asks you to consider what about YOU triggers these reactions in you when the narcissistic acts in erratic and hurtful ways. No. Anyone would react like that to this systematic pattern of damaging behavior. Other reviews here are totally accurate when they say it is victim blaming, but when I was still in the situation I was willing to blame myself just like the narcissist I was dating did constantly. I regret having read this book because I stayed in a relationship based on its advice and now I have suffered for much longer than I needed to. I started re-reading it recently, now that I understand the behavior better, and realized what terrible advice this is and how this advice kept me in a damaging situation thinking I had some power when I didn't. If you are considering getting this book, instead pick one about how to recover from breaking up with or divorcing a narcissist. Also, I would be willing to bet you are keeping secret from your friends how bad the person's behavior really is in order to protect them or so you won't be embarrassed. Write an honest email to your friends telling them what you've been going through and asking for their support. They will be there for you more than you know. I promise you that staying is worse than you think right now and that leaving now is so much better than you realize. Please don't even read this book. I do not want you coming back in six months or a year saying how the advice in this book gave you false hope that things could be alright if you tried hard enough to deal with the narcissist's volatile behavior. When I bought this book I thought I needed to make it work, but I was wrong. I needed to protect myself and this book will give you the opposite advice. The dangerous part is that after the narcissist already has manipulated your thinking, you will believe that there is hope like the book says but at best it will prolong the crash and burn ending, with untold nights of wondering what you could do better between now and then. Other reviews said this and I thought I would be able to handle it better, but once the narcissist had already begun to affect me, this book just pulled me deeper in to thinking there was logic behind his pathology.
I bought this book in hopes that it would help me deal with the narcissist in my life and after reading the raving reviews. The first part of the book helped me understand narcissism better. I will give it that. I learned about the different types of narcissists and I was able to realize what type of narcissist I was dealing with. But the practical aspects of the book, the recommendation and suggested actions when it comes to dealing with the narcissist in our lives, that actually set me up for failure more than success. And it took quite a bit to get to a practical section. After applying the advise suggested in this book, things between my narcissist and me got worse. Now I know better and more about NPD and there's no changing these people, no matter what you do. The author recommends re-mothering the person. Narcissists are never wrong and they project their flaws and insecurities on those around them. Therefore, I was not able to apply one single recommendation from this book successfully and our arguments got even worse. I got so frustrated. Re-mothering the narcissist? They will accuse you of being a control freak.After putting that book down for good, I was offered much better advise from other sources who have been there. And the best recommendation that a person who suffered narcissistic abuse can get is to get away from the narcissist in his or her life as soon as possible. Going No Contact is the best advise that a victim could ever be given. If you cannot get away from the narcissist in your life, for example because you share custody of your children, then keep your contact to a minimum. But applying what this book suggest, heck, no!There are other much better books that can help a victim than this one, like the ones listed below, not necessarily in that order, but worth a try each and everyone of them. Summarizing, I do not recommend Disarming the Narcissist. Either way, if you're a victim of abuse by someone with NPD, or you suspect the person might be a narcissist, first get support from certified professionals with actual experience with NPD, which is not something easy to detect in a person since a narcissist projects a charming image of themselves that can fool even the most trained individual. Get also support from the Domestic Abuse Hot Line, if needed. Don't do this alone. Recovery can take years, if not a lifetime. In the meantime, if you need to start your healing process on your own, if you need to learn more about NPD to find out if you may actually be dealing with NPD, try to get hold of any of these other books listed below.Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying YourselfPsychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic PeopleIn Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
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